The truth as I know it.

The 4th of June will mark the third follow-up appointment I’ve attended since being released from the short stay unit of Abby J. Lane.I’m sure this visit will be as cold, clinical and stringent as the previous two. However I’m harboring guilt about this trip in particular. The lady I will be seeing is Linda MacBride. I initially met Linda a year ago after my family doctor referred me to a physician working in the mental health field; it was everything I feared it to be. (questions about my sexuality, recounting past feelings, tracing family history and poking at childhood bruises). Amongst the flurry of questions to which I politely answered “yes, mam, no mam” there was one question that when asked struck a chord within me, causing feelings of resentment, disgust and embarrassment. “Have you ever had feelings of harming yourself or others?”To which I curtly replied “No, not at all”. Whether she saw thru me that day or not was of no concern to me, I just wanted out of that office and far away from here. On June 4th I will have to look Linda in the eyes again, this time I imagine my medical records will be open neatly on her desk. The white and canary carbon copy pages detailing every event in the past few months will tell all, I will be an open book. The lines that cross my wrists being the strongest statement of them all……I lied.